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June 16th, 2009
You'll need:
- A bunch of vegetables
- Some tofu and/or meat product
- Buy Viagra Without Prescription, Enough jasmine rice for twelve people, even though you're cooking for four
- Most of one day
- Several hundred dollars that you have no other plans for
- Infinite patience
Step 1: Go to Target to procure sugar-snap peas, tofu, and any other ingredients. Since you also need coffee (desperately!), Viagra images, Viagra overnight, swim diapers, and kids' toothpaste, is Viagra addictive, Viagra reviews, you feel smart about going to Target instead of to the grocery store or co-op because you can get everything in one trip. You will also end up buying two identical sets of Tinkerbell mini highlighters as a bribe (yes, order Viagra from United States pharmacy, Viagra coupon, one for each kid) and promising to stop at Hot Plate for pancakes on the way home. (This is a promise you are perfectly happy to make and keep, real brand Viagra online, Where can i order Viagra without prescription, because Hot Plate serves their pancakes with lingonberry butter and that is every bit as awesome as it sounds.)
Step 2: Head toward Hot Plate. Hit gigantic pothole and realize car is making a funny sound and possible smoking, online buying Viagra hcl. From a stupid pothole on the one road in Minneapolis NOT currently under construction, Buy Viagra Without Prescription. Viagra long term, Mutter several curse words and hope they are not intelligible to the back seat.
Step 3: Turn corner and park in front of restaurant, Viagra steet value. Rx free Viagra, Call husband and ask him to call AAA, while simultaneously ordering copious amounts of breakfast foods, where can i buy Viagra online, Kjøpe Viagra på nett, köpa Viagra online, diffusing conflict over jelly and creamer packets, and keeping younger child from playing with knife, Viagra forum. Generic Viagra, (This is why you want husband to call Triple A.) Eat copious amounts of breakfast foods while husband arrives to “check out the car” in person before calling AAA.
Step 4: Get ride home from husband, who will return to busted car to wait for tow truck, my Viagra experience. Buy Viagra Without Prescription, Unload groceries and diffuse conflict over identical sets of Tinkerbell mini-highlighters. Viagra from mexico, (How can there be conflict if they are identical, you might ask, purchase Viagra. Viagra interactions, If you are asking that, you clearly don’t have kids, buy no prescription Viagra online. Discount Viagra, Please go back to sipping your mai thai and sleeping in late, or whatever it is you do with your luxuriously whining-free days, Viagra over the counter, Viagra wiki, and don’t worry about why they would fight over something they each have.)
Step 5: Wash hands.
Step 6: Wipe child’s nose. Wash hands.
Step 7: Start chopping veggies, Viagra description. Get interrupted to change diaper, Buy Viagra Without Prescription. Australia, uk, us, usa, Wash hands twice, just to be on the safe side.
Step 8: Head toward kitchen with intent to continue chopping veggies, Viagra street price. Buy Viagra without prescription, Get interrupted by more conflict over toys, and decide it’s naptime, is Viagra safe. Effects of Viagra, Put younger child down for nap and turn on cartoons for older one. (Because you are not magic, Viagra natural. Buy Viagra Without Prescription, And it’s OK to admit that. Doses Viagra work, Also, you want to chop veggies in peace for five minutes.)
Step 9: Wash hands.
Step 10: Chop veggies, Viagra duration. Order Viagra no prescription, Get interrupted to fetch snacks for child who only recently ate her weight in pancakes and scrambled eggs. Call husband to check on status of car, buy Viagra from mexico. Diagnosis: costly. Curse out loud and hope loud cartoons drown out sound.
Step 11: Wash hands, Buy Viagra Without Prescription.
Step 12: Chop yet more veggies, as half of what you’ve chopped so far has gone into the Snack Bowl (almost all the sugar-snap peas and half the red and orange peppers). Offer baby bok choy next time The Snacker returns to ask for more. This is met with disgust, as everyone knows it to be a “weird vegetable.”
Step 13: Drain and press tofu.
Step 14: Take scraps out to compost bin. Buy Viagra Without Prescription, Do about seven other minor outdoor chores while you’re out there. Come in to sound of frantic voice calling “Mama. MAMA!?!”
Step 15: Explain that you were just out back and let’s not yell during naptime. Make amends with grumpy abandoned child by offering more snacks, but first – you guessed it – wash hands.
Step 16: E-mail omnivore husband to tell him that if he wants meat in stir-fry, he should pick some up on the way home. Wash hands and return to chopping.
Step 17: Realize that you forgot to get coffee (lack of which is probably the reason you hit the stupid pothole – without caffeine, nothing ever goes right), Buy Viagra Without Prescription. Start to e-mail husband about need for coffee. Get interrupted: naptime is over. Fetch small boy from crib and send him downstairs to watch cartoons with sister. (Because you are still not magic, but you WILL have a healthy, home-cooked meal tonight.) Wash hands.
Buy Viagra Without Prescription, Step 18: Fix snack for younger child. Explain to older child why it is not actually unfair that he gets a snack, because she has had TWENTY.
Step 19: Fix older child a snack.
Step 20: Fetch milk in sippy cup for younger child.
Step 21: Argue with older child about a) why she can’t have milk in the basement (because it would spill) and b) why she can’t have a sippy cup (because the others are in the dishwasher).
Step 22: Return to kitchen and contemplate chopped vegetables. Get interrupted by cries of “BUGGY-BUGGY. NOOOO!” and head back downstairs for bug removal.
Step 23: Wash hands.
Step 24 : Decide you’re done for the moment. Put chopped veggies into containers and put in fridge. Sit on kitchen floor with laptop and peruse food blogs for a few minutes, Buy Viagra Without Prescription. Break into maniacal laughter at recipes for “Quick and Easy Stir-Fries.” BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. HA.
Step 25: Realize that it is almost 3:30. You have literally done nothing today but break your car and attempt to prep some veggies to be stir-fried. Head downstairs to turn off TV and brace for gigantic fight over turning off TV.
Step 26: Gigantic fight finally over. Buy Viagra Without Prescription, Husband should be home soon. Decide you no longer care about making stir-fry*. Locate takeout menu for Fresh Wok.
.....
*It’s not like they would have eaten it anyway. The kids only like plain rice (and plain vegetables) and the husband doesn’t really like tofu. Whatever.
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June 16th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Next time lets make it together… with wine… but without men or babies.
June 17th, 2009 at 10:34 am
OMG this is hilarous, my first visit to your blog, you are now added to my favorites. This is so typical of a usual trip to the store, when everything seems to be going great then BAM it’s all downhill. I keep the take out menus very handy, even when I have all intentions of cooking delicious home made meals every day, sometimes it just doesn’t happen the way you plan it.
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Oh, Laura! You sum it up so perfectly. Oops, just knocked over my mai tai…gotta go
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Very funny and so true! Takes me back to the “good old days,” except I remember always having some milk spilled on the carpet somewhere in there!
June 24th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I jinxed myself, on Monday I hit a pothole and busted my car. And since then I’ve driven down that same road trying to find the horrible enormous pothole and guess what? I cannot find it for the life of me, I’m convinced they came and filled it in 5 minutes after it swallowed my car!