cat named pig

Here we will attempt to capture, word for word when possible, Siena’s musings, ideas, and royal decrees. Comment space is available for you at the bottom of the page.

08.18.09

We, unfortunately, had part of our front sidewalk overrun with ants Tuesday afternoon. Not just a few ants scurrying here and there. No. Mounds and mounds of ants crawling over each other to get at something. This was going on in two or three places. Siena and Elliot thought it was pretty cool that there were so many in one place and discussed why they were all there.

Matt:You guys. Come look at all these ants.
Elliot: Whoooaa. Anties.
Siena: There must be hundreds of them.
Matt: Maybe thousands.
Siena: Maybe one of the them found a little cracker or something and called all his friends for a picnic.
Elliot: A cacker. Yeah. Or a chip.
Siena: I wonder if they need something to drink.
Elliot:Yeah. Someting to dink (sic).
Siena: Elliot, let’s fill up the buckets and give them some water. They’ll have a full picnic.

The ant picnic soon ended when a torrential downpour from buckets ruined their perfect afternoon. Multiple buckets of water. The wading pool needed emptying anyway.

…

08.12.09

Siena’s usually pretty geared up after her bath. Flying all over the place, shaking her body, spinning the towel as if she were a matador (matadoress?). It’s also the time when she gets most potty-mouthed. Tonight was a little twist on her usual “butt-butt, bado-booty” talk we’ve come to just try to ignore, unless we’re out in public. This isn’t really a conversation we had, but try to picture this:

Siena had just played a game with Elliot, still in her towel wrapped around herself. I asked her to get pajamas on. She walked away to her room walking/dancing in a sort of chicken strut with the wings flapping, towel thrown to the side, singing, “It’s a butt dance. It’s a butt-butt. It’s a butt-dance.

I could only position my body so Elliot didn’t see and start singing “Humpty Dumpty” to him, so that we didn’t have two chickens strutting in our house singing about dances involving butts. I then made sure Sir Mix-a-Lot was not on the iPod.

…

08.01.09

I put Elliot down for his nap, while Siena turned on the tv and picked out a movie to watch. I went downstairs to find Siena watching an informercial. And scene:

Matt: Ready, sweety? What movie did you choose?
Siena: Daddy, this thing is amazing. The Redi-Set-Go can make anything.
Matt: I’ve watched some of this before. Looks like it makes cooking easy, doesn’t it?
Siena: Yeah. Maybe I could do it, if it wasn’t hot. It can make any pizza…and it can make a chocolate thing with bars of other chocolate stuffed inside of it.
Matt: So it’s chocolate stuffed chocolate?
Siena: And I saw them making a chicken that you could eat.

We watched another five minutes of the infomercial, as they showed this little device making upside-down pineapple cake, steak with mushrooms and wine reduction, pancake balls, not-fried fried chicken, an omelette, and more. If we would have called in the next 18 minutes they would have taken one payment off and given us an extra cooking insert. Almost had us, but we watched Madeline, instead, satisfied with the two microwaves we already own.

…

07.23.09

In the car, we heard some guys talking about the tornado that touched down in a town west of the Twin Cities, leading to this exchange:

Man on radio: People on the ground say a tornado touched down in Spicer not that long ago.

Siena: Spicy? A tornado?

Matt: Spicer. It’s near where our friends were married a few years ago.

Siena: But why would it be a Spicer tornado?

Siena: The tornado wasn’t spicy, sweety. That’s where it touched ground.

Siena: Oh. (and then whispering, as she looks out the window, as she realizes her mistake) Spicy tornado…

Of course, Elliot then had to chime in with “Spicy? Spicy? Todando?” The next three minutes explaining it to a two-year-old were great.

…

07.05.09

Siena was singing as she waited for me to sit next to her and read at bedtime Sunday night after her 5th birthday party:

(singing loudly) Somebody call 9-1-1, shorty fire is burning on the dance floor…whoa-ohhh…somebody call 9-1-1, and tell me where is my koala…whoa-ohhh.

She sang it perfectly. We may or may not have been listening to KDWB and singing it as we were driving around earlier in the day running errands. Here’s the song by Sean Kingston, if you aren’t familiar. She also nailed “The Climb” by “the girl who sings during the closing credits of Bolt” (Miley Cyrus).

…

06.01.09

Siena has shown a strong will against losing the training wheels on her bike and learning to ride without them. We’ve done it four or five times this spring, but inevitably, they end up back on, “Because it’s the way for me to keep going, daddy.” Well then.

However, so she can at least continue to learn the balancing act riding a bicycle takes, I adjust the training wheels so they are a little more wobbly. At least she can learn how the bike goes side to side a little bit and can adjust as she goes. Well, sometimes she leans a little too far to the side around the turns and will tip over. Over the weekend, this happened, somehow skinning the top of her foot just a little bit, right at the base where the leg starts to go up (I know. How the hell does that part touch the ground, anyway?). So, I took her in the bathroom for a band-aid, because that stops it from hurting, so she says.

Matt: Siena, I’m going to put some healing ointment on it, so it can heal faster, ok?

Siena: No, daddy. That makes it hurt worse.

Matt: Actually, it makes it heal faster, so you don’t need the band-aid on as long.

Siena: But mama doesn’t do that. I cry.

Matt: Believe me. It’s better this way.

Siena: (I’m rummaging through the medicine cabinet, as she sits on the toilet seat, whimpering/whispering to herself) Stay calm…stay calm…stay calm…be brave…stay calm…

After limping around the house and yard for about five minutes while I grilled burgers, she seemed to be fine. Although, I think I saw the band-aid on our patio by the end of the night. Either the healing ointment worked magic in under an hour or she couldn’t “stay calm” in her head to fathom having it touch her skin any longer. Oh well. I don’t recall hearing about it in the morning.

…

05.10.09

Saturday was our first weekend back at the Mill City Farmer’s Market downtown. Siena always gets $1.25 to buy a cookie. This time, she and Laura came back with three big ones for everyone to share. Much to my surprise, there was a small chunk left over when we were getting in the car.

Matt: Siena, do you want to eat the last piece of cookie?

Siena: No, I’m fine.

Matt (and rest of car): …

You have no idea how shocking her response is/was/still is. She has my sweet tooth, graciously passed down to her, by me, from my dad. This is the same girl who I found crawling on the counter the evening before getting chocolate easter eggs out of the cupboard. After Halloween, we find wrappers stashed around the house, under her pillow and in her shoes, as she sneaks around to get her fix. And she didn’t want to finish the first chocolate chip cookie of the farmer’s market summer. Rarely does she shock us anymore, but that did it.

…

04.30.09

Less than a minute after being awake:

Siena: Daddy, yesterday Annabelle and I both tried on that shiny blue nighty right there and it showed our nipples. (now whispering) Our nipples.

Matt: Uhhh. We’ll fix that.

…

04.14.09

Driving home from preschool:

Siena: Daddy, I have a very sad tale to tell you.

Matt: What’s that, hon?

Siena: We tried running really fast, but the bumblebee stung Elliot in the chin…in the chest.

Matt: Ooooh…did he cry?

Siena: Yeah. I tried to warn him to watch for the bumblebee…it was a grumpy one.

Matt: Sounds like it. Where were you?

Siena: Well, I ran to the door, and I tried to warn Elliot to run to inside, too, but the grumpy bumblebee was too fast and got to him. I wish we had a bee keeper on our block that was able to get the bees in spring, in the middle of spring and at the beginning of spring

Matt: Well, mama didn’t call me at work, so he’s probably fine.

Siena:(as we pull up to the house, ignoring my speech about pollination and the good bees do, too) I think I’ll wait here until you unlock the door, in case that grumpy bee is still around.

Matt: Good idea. I’ll sacrifice myself.

…

04.13.09

We were getting ready to go for a walk before dinner. Laura was doing her thing, Siena was doing her thing, I was upstairs getting dressed for it and Elliot was by the front door, since we asked him to guard the stroller. There was a crash, followed by Elliot crying. Siena was the first one on the scene. I heard her quickly running across the hard-wood floor yelling for me to “come quick.” She was running to get Laura, too:

Siena: Mama, I have good news and bad news.

Laura: Okaaay. Is Elliot ok?

Siena: Bad news is that the coat rack has fallen on Elliot…so he’s crying…but daddy’s there.

Laura: You’re sure there’s good news?

Siena: Yes, I’m having a baby.

I guess to replace the one recently crushed by the coat rack. Elliot was fine, as the barrier of 14 coats kept the metal from smashing his skull. It was a sad sight seeing him buried under it all, though, as I could only see one little hand and a bit of his long, curly hair. I should have grabbed the camera.

…

04.08.09

Only thing you need to do when reading the following exchange is count the number of times crap is used on the way home from preschool last week…hardly any by me:

Siena: (whimpering in the back seat) Oh no…it’s crap.

Matt: (Turning head around quickly, looking at her seat) Crap? What?

Siena: Daddy, there’s bird crap on my window. Why is there bird crap?

Matt: Oh. (sigh of relief) Sometimes that happens when we leave the car out.

Siena: But dad, the bird crap is really big. We need to go to the car wash.

Matt: (hardly stifling laughter) Would you stop saying crap?

Siena: But daddy, the bird crap needs to be washed. Do you want bird crap to be on your car all night?

Matt: It might rain tonight, which will wipe the cra…wash it off.

Siena: I hope so. I don’t like looking at crap out my window.

Matt: Stop Saying Crap! Oh never mind…how was school?

Siena: (whimpering all the way home)

Final Crap Tally: 10.5

…

03.30.09

On the way home from visiting my parents this past weekend, a two hour trip:

Matt: Raise your hand if you’re going to sleep on the way home.

All in the car raise their hands, including me, so I could get Siena’s reaction. Glad I did.

Siena: Daddy, you’re driving. You can’t sleep.

Matt: But I’m tired. Maybe you can drive, and I’ll sleep.

Siena: Daddy, I can’t drive. I’m too short. And I would go to jail. I’m a kid.

Matt: Hmmm…good point. But Victoria is a kid and she was driving (Victoria is my 15-year-old niece with her permit).

Siena: But she is a big kid. I’m only little.

Matt: You could sit on the big bag we packed, then you’d be big.

Siena: Daddy, do you want the cops to pull me over and take me to jail?

Matt: I’ll drive. You sleep.

I thought it best to stop pushing there, considering her recent fears of separation.

…

03.12.09

I’m not sure why, but I thought I’d have a little Bourbon after work Wednesday night (probably because we’ve been watching Mad Men online the last couple weeks). Anyway, 45 minutes later I was still working on it as we sat down for dinner. And… scene:

Siena: Daddy, why are you drinking our apple juice?

Matt: It’s not apple juice, sweety, it’s Bourbon. I guess it kind of looks like apple juice, doesn’t it?

Siena: Yeah.

Matt: You can maybe have some when you’re older.

We had dinner, and we were singing or dancing in the living room or something else fun. Siena and my drink glasses were still on the table, each with a little left. I’m sitting on the couch as Siena walks toward the table…continue scene:

Siena: (reaching for my glass and dumping it in her own) I’ll just finish your apple juice.

Matt: (jumping off couch and stumbling to the table) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I really had Bourbon, sweety. You can’t drink it.

Siena: I really thought it was apple juice. I guess you can finish my drink, daddy.

As bad as it could have been, the apple juice admittedly helped me finish the last couple swallows.

…

03.07.09

I picked up the movie Open Season 2 Friday night to watch after dinner. Siena and Elliot enjoyed it, and I went through the special features, including an awesome animated video for “Who Let the Dogs Out” by the Baha Men. There were also previews for other kid shows. One was for Holly Hobby , leading to this exchange:

Siena: HOLLY HOBBYYYY!

Daddy: Holly Hobby…who is that?

Siena: She’s a girl…(pause)…I know all about her.

Daddy: Oh, really? What does she do?

Siena: Daddy, she’s for girls. You don’t need to know what she does.

And to be honest, she mostly nailed my feelings about Holly Hobby. I didn’t feel it was appropriate to use the exchange to teach my 4-year-old daughter what it means when you ask a question “just to be polite.”

…

02.04.09

Once again, Siena stated the following while wearing a leotard, tights and a crown:

Daddy, it’s serious business being a princess ballerina dancer.

(pause to let it sink in while doing a couple twirls)
Serious business.

…

02.02.09

Siena was, of course, in her leotard. Actually, she hasn’t been out of the leotard the last three days, except when wearing pajamas to sleep. She wore them to the zoo on Sunday and out to watch the Super Bowl. Here’s the exchange when I walked down the stairs:

Siena: Daddy, I found a lady on tv that showed me ballet.

Matt: Will you show me what you did?

Siena: You’ve already seem what I do.

Matt: Yeah, but after following the lady and learning, you probably do it better.

Siena: Well…uhhh…I already did it better without her.

Whew. I think that statement just saved us a fortune on private dance lessons.

…

12.14.08

Laura had a writing deadline on Sunday, so I took the kids to the zoo for a few hours in the morning, braving the wind and rain. It went really well, as we spent 3 hours inside and rode the monorail. Along the ride, the driver tells us what animals we should look for, leading to this exchange:

Driver: On side A, you’ll see the caribou…caribou are also called reindeer.

Siena: Daddy, they have reindeer. They must really like this rain.

Matt: (humming “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”)

…

12.13.08

I had come home from work earlier in the week, after Laura had called me 2-3 times to give updates on how sick the kids seemed to be. I walked in the door and had this exchange with Siena:

Matt: I heard you guys are tired and sick.

Siena: Yeah…at school today, I was breathing hot air.

Matt: Really? Sounds like a tough day.

Siena: Yeah, it was really hard to talk with all the air.

…

12.02.08

Siena had a sleepover 10 days ago, in which she and her cousin slept on the floor in their sleeping bags. Her room hasn’t changed since then, and when I tried to convince her to move back up to her bed, she responded:

But it reminds me of all my sleepovers and how much fun it was in our sleep right there.

She gets another night.

…

11.11.08

We put a small cup of “cold water from the fridge” next to Siena’s bed each night, in the hopes that she won’t come to us in the middle of it. Well, she was at my bedside Monday night – at 3:27am – cup in hand, tears forming in her eyes:

Daddy, I spilled this a long, long time ago…right after you put me to bed.

…

09.27.08

Driving to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning, Siena’s looking out the window and notes:

Siena: That building has eyebrows.

Laura: You mean the green awning over each window?

Siena: No, up at the top of it.

We look up and, sure enough, the top of the brick building has different colored bricks rising above two windows, which look like eyebrows. Observant, this one.

…

09.24.08

After waking up from a nap, laying by me on the couch, Siena softly said with a sleepy voice:

Daddy, I think my tummy woke up on the wrong side of the bed…pause…that means that it hurts right now.

…

09.11.08

Siena had to suffer and watch with me the Republican National Convention in St. Paul. There were endless interviews with delegates, one of which caught her attention:

How come she’s a girl with a boy’s voice? – about a Texas delegate being interviewed on Public TV before McCain’s speech.

I had no answer. And this, after she and Elliot were playing with blocks, and I had announced that it was his bedtime:

Now I don’t have to worry about knock-over boy.

…

08.23.08

Siena was drawing large circles, stacked, at the table the other day.

Siena: Mama, guess what I’m drawinnnnng?

Laura: What?

Siena: A fat little munnnchkinnnnn. And you know who it is?

Laura: Ummm….Elliot?

Siena: Nope. Grandpa Larrrryyyyyyy.

Not very nice, but still provided a laugh. And isn’t it supposed to be controversial?

…

08.02.08

Elliot had just dropped his cup on the floor at breakfast, which usually signals the end of eating:

Siena: Elliot, do you remember all those times I picked up your sippy for you, again? Well, I am done.

And she was, as she proceeded to go watch WordGirl on PBS.

…

07.14.08

I was driving in the car last Thursday with both Siena and Elliot in their seats.

Siena: Daddy, do you know how to play the game Not a Carrot?

Matt: No, sweety, how do you?

Siena: It’s when you’re next to a boy who’s one or zero, and you put your finger up to his mouth and if he tries to bite it, you say, “That’s not a carrot.”

Matt: I hope he never gets the carrot.

Siena: No, the finger.

Matt: Of course.

Also, Siena was on fire this past Saturday afternoon.

We were flipping channels, watching different sports on tv. We saw Tiger Woods in an ad for golf.

Siena: Is Tiger Woods playing?

Matt: No. Tiger hurt his knew. He plays next year.

Siena: What happened to his knee?

Matt: In your body, besides bone, you have ligaments that stretch and bend and hold things together. Tiger hurt a ligament in his knee, had to have surgery and needs to rest until next year.

Siena: Daddy, Barbie’s grandma was playing and she broke her knee.

Matt: Oh, that’s too bad.

Siena: Yeah, it was.

These next few rolled off her tongue in about a 10-minute stretch.

Daddy, wouldn’t it be funny if I was older than you and you weren’t going to be older than me? Wouldn’t it be funny if there was a door on the way to upstairs and we had to open it? Barbie’s at school right now, and she has a teacher named Sam. Sam is a really good teacher. She, Barbie, always makes pretty pictures for me at school.

Daddy, one time I took Barbie to a game, a Puma game, and they only handed out balls that grownups and kids could have. Siena has been to a MNLynx basketball game with her friend, Avery. Lynx and puma are related, right?

Siena: Daddy, sometimes I have to not feel happy for Barbie?

Matt: Why?

Siena: Because when she was napping, I heard her saying and doing some bad things to her little sister. And I couldn’t even go in her room to do anything, because I didn’t have time. I only heard her little sister.

Siena was excited for her sleepover at Laura’s mom’s house Saturday night.

Siena: It’s been a long time since I’ve had a sleepover at grandma’s house.

Matt: I know. It’s been a few months.

Siena: Daddy, what if every these days, I have a sleepover at grandma’s?

Matt: These days?

Siena: Yep.

Matt: I’ll look at the calendar.

And finally…after she came out of the bathroom.

Siena: Daddy, did you know I had a snake poop this time?

Matt: What is that, Siena?

Siena: It’s when it is really long. It was this big…and this big…and this wide (as she makes her arms even wider and wider).

Matt: I think I hear Elliot awake.

…

07.03.08

I was making a list of items we’ll need for Siena’s 4th birthday on Saturday. After dropping Siena off at school, Elliot and I were heading to Target for food items. I was listing off what I had written so far…

Matt: …pickles, ketchup, mustard, milk…Siena, can you think of anything we need for your party?

Siena: Maybe some grown-ups and some kids?

Matt: I’ll see if they’re on clearance.

…

07.01.08

Normally, nothing makes us angrier than Siena coming out of her bedroom more than once after we’ve put her down. We’re usually trying to get through a Netflix movie/show we’ve had for a month. However, just now, at 10:04pm on Laura’s birthday, Siena came downstairs and very seriously said:

Mama, I just saw a bug in my room. It was really moving. And it was ALIVE!

Yep, she’s Laura’s daughter.

…

06.13.08

Siena: Daddy, a kitty found Tio Matt in Los Angeles.

Matt: Oh? Tio Matt has a kitty now?

Siena: NO! Tio found a kitty in Los Angeles.

Matt: Did he take it somewhere?

Siena: No, I think he fed it, gave it water and took it to the vet and did lots of nice things for her.

Matt: That’s nice. Does he still have it?

Siena: Yes, I think he does. I think it will be like our cat named Pig.

Matt: Oof. He might not have it that long.

Siena:Maybe. I don’t think she hisses like Piggy.

…

05.01.08
(Siena singing in a voice best described as somewhere between opera and church congregation:

Verse 1
I am a princess
Maybe with a prince
Soon I’ll be in The Nutcracker
And I’ll have so much fun
So, how about you?

Verse 2
I am bigger than my brother
My mama is bigger than the sister
And my daddy is bigger than mama
We are all different sizes
(repeat last line for finish)

Appropriate lyrics considering Laura’s main page posts from April 30th.

…

04.23.08

I’m glad I answered yes to the following question at 8:08pm:

Siena: Daddy, are you going to let me stay up a little bit longer?

I answered, Yes,” and this is what followed:

Siena: Well, ok. Hmmm…are you still hungry daddy? In my restaurant, you can have an ice cream cookie sandwich, pizza with soup, hamburger without meat, peanut butter sandwich, banana peanut butter and jelly sandwich or just some veggies, and I think that’s it. Would you like some pizza with soup?

Matt: Yes, all of the above.

I think we’ll turn it into a 24-hour joint.

…

04.18.08

at 8:01am on Friday morning

Siena: Daddy, do you think mama is noctournal…and that she sleeps during the day?

Probably needless to say that Laura was still in bed.

…

04.12.08

Siena’s tricycle has some loose handlebars, which causes her to go off course a few times in a ride. This is what I heard her yelling at her bike after going about 25 feet down the sidewalk and then veering off into the neighbor’s fence.

Siena: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, TRYKE? YOU ARE NOT MAKING THIS BE ANY FUN FOR ME! IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS, THEN I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND!

…

Siena’s other favorite phrasing to use recently is, “I’m really sorry…” followed by something she wants to do. The latest went something like this, while I was watching baseball on tv:

Siena: Daddy, I’m really sorry.

Matt: For what sweety (thinking something was wrong)?

Siena: Well, I’m really sorry, but we’re going to have to change baseball. I’m really sorry. Me and mama are going to watch Ratatouille now. I’m really sorry (with head shaking and sad eyes for emphasis).

Matt: Well, I guess that’s too bad for me, isn’t it?

…

03.02.08

(After one of Matt’s basketball games. Siena had said before the game to get 80 points.)

Matt: Well, hon, we didn’t get 80 points, but I think we got to 50, which is nice.

Siena: How many did you get, Daddy?

Matt: Can you guess?

Siena: 18?

Matt: Close.

Siena: 19?

Matt: Lower than 18 and 19.

Siena: 19?

Matt: No, lower. For example, seven is lower than eight, eight is lower than nine. What would be lower than 18?

Siena: 9?

Matt: No, well yes, but lower than 18.

Laura (from the kitchen): Maybe start at 10 and count to the number.

Siena (because she couldn’t exactly hear Laura): Daddy, I’ll go to Hedden’s with you.

Matt (laughing): What? No, we’re not going to Hedden’s, Siena. We’re still guessing the…oh, nevermind. It’s 17.

Siena: (whispers something to Laura, but in a kid’s whisper, so I can still hear her)

Laura: Daddy, you’re a chatterbox.

….

02.25.08

Matt: Siena, did you have fun today?

Siena: Daddy, you and mama have different names.

Matt: I know. What are our names?

Siena: You are Boy Drosselmeyer and mama is Girl Drosselmeyer.

Matt: Oh. Well those are different.

….

02.23.08

Matt: “Come on Siena. It’s time to update your page.”

Siena: “I don’t want to do it right now.”

Matt: “But don’t you want people to read what you have to say?”

Siena: “No.”

Matt: “But you might have fun saying whatever you want to say to the world.”

Siena: “You can do it for me. Or I’ll tell them after nap.”

….

01.14.08 [On the way home from ballet class]

”Oooh, Mama – it’s getting dark out! And swan princesses are getting hungry.”

….

01.11.08 [At lunchtime the other day]

Siena: “Mama, what’s Elliot having for lunch?”

Mama: “He’s having split pea soup.”

Siena: “He’s having SPIT PEE POOP?!?”

Mama [in her head]: Yes, that’s exactly what he’s having. And you have to change the next diaper.

….

01.06.08 [After Matt returns from playing basketball, a real game, for the first time in almost 2 years]

Siena: Hi, Daddy. I need a hug. (She was going to bed.)

Matt: Hi, sweety. You should be sleeping. It’s almost 9 o’clock.

Siena: Daddy, did you win your basketball game?

Matt: We did, sweety. Goodnight.

Siena: Did you score some 3 points or 5 points?

Matt: Yes, sweety, I scored some 3-point shots and we won by 8 points.

Siena (in her most shocked, surprised voice): I can’t even believe that you won your game.

Matt: I know, sweety, I know. I’ll tell you about it in the morning.

At this point, Matt walks out thinking, “I can’t even believe I played in a game and lived to tell about it.”

….

Siena (in the basement): “Hey, why is Piggy coming down here?”

Mama: “I think she’s coming down to use her litter box.”

Siena: “Her glitter box? Why is she using her glitter box?!?”

…

“Mama, you are bad. And old.” (When I wouldn’t let her watch a movie at nap time.)